Have you ever felt abandoned? Felt like God has turned his back on you?
At one point in my life, I found myself very disillusioned with the church and felt angry with God.
I didn’t understand why, but spiritually I felt tired and dry, like I was wandering in the desert with no focus and no end in sight. I was spiritually parched, but refused to attend church because I didn’t feel like it was helping me. I was fine with my husband going, but I didn’t want to be pushed to go. I was struggling with unanswered questions of “why God” which left me feeling bitter and angry towards him.
After my son died, in my grief, I started talking to God again. Just a little at first. I don't think I'd ever FULLY stopped talking to God, but because of my grief, I found myself both seeking the comfort of His presence, and thankful for the blessing of our son's life. I started listening to 'christian' songs for comfort. I started reading devotional stories again. Gradually, God was leading me back to a relationship with Him. I realized I missed Him. I was tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. But mostly I was tired of trying to do everything IN my own strength. And very gently, I felt God wooing me back to himself
“He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.” Job 36:16
The story of Job describes a man who loses everything in his life. He loses his family, his wealth, and his health. He struggles with his grief but never denounces God or loses his faith despite his friends encouraging him to curse God. I had definitely felt held in the' jaws of distress', but I realized that through it all, God had not left me. He had not turned his back on me, nor was he punishing me. On the contrary, God was waiting for me to turn around and run into his arms. He wanted to comfort me and soothe me, like a parent with a child. He knew that I was hurt and tired and he longed to spend time with me again. But he is patient. And he is kind. God is gentle and he doesn’t force us to have a relationship with him.
Are you feeling tired? Are you hurt? Do you need comfort, peace, and joy? God is waiting with open arms. To hug you. To love you. To comfort you.
Do I still strive on my own strength? Unfortunately, yes. But I know that the God who never stops wooing me will always comfort, strengthen and guide me if I allow him to. “I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” Psalm 121: 1-2
