Have you ever felt like you couldn’t trust God?
I have.
When my life plans haven't gone the way I thought they should.
When my prayers for healing or restoration weren’t answered.
When grief and loss have broken my heart.
Sometimes I wonder where God is and if He can be trusted.
Recently I was at a women’s conference. We stood to sing. Tears glistened in the corners of my eyes and my voice caught as I struggled to sing. I stood in the assembly, with a crowd of women around me, the glorious chorus of voices singing praises to God stirred my heart and I tried to sing past the lump in my throat.
Then unexpectedly, I heard God speak to my heart.
A gentle whisper of a voice echoed in my mind “Just let go”.
I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking to me to release myself and sing with all my heart.
What was holding me back?
I felt afraid.
Afraid that if I let go I would start to cry and not be able to stop.
What was I worried about?
Did I care what these women thought?
Would they even notice?
Why was I being so resistant to the tugging in my soul to participate with abandon?
Just then another thought became clear in my mind like a soft whisper:
“Don’t you trust me”?
I knew it was God.
The thought was gentle, probing, and sincere.
My first reflex was to say “Yes”, but then I thought “No”, and then paused and honestly thought, “I don’t know”.
After all, I have trusted God before and been let down.
I wanted to say yes, but can I trust Him again?
After everything I’ve been through, can I still trust Him?
At that moment, I made a conscious decision, regardless of the outcome, to trust.
I DO trust him, even when things are not going the way I think they should go. When my health failed, when my finances were struggling, and even when my son died.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)
God has a bigger plan for my life then I know. He knows the future.
And he loves me more than I will ever realize.
As I released my fear and accepted the challenge to trust Him, I started to sing. Tentatively at first, then louder, and louder again, with my arms raised in the air, tears streaming down my face, I sang.
My voice became strong with each word sung out loud, and as the lump in my throat passed, I declared in song my faith in my God.
Many of us have been hurt and lost trust in humans.
We put walls around our hearts and boundaries around our emotions to protect ourselves.
We are afraid of being hurt again.
But God isn’t human.
As our heavenly Father, He wants the best for us. Sometimes we can’t see it at the time or understand it in our lifetime, but we can still trust He has our best interest at stake.
As our healing hearts gently and softly open up to the love of God, we realize we can trust him with our hurts. He will heal our wounds.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:NIV)
We will grow with compassion, understanding, wisdom, and love as we accept the lessons learned over a lifetime.
And once again learn to trust Him.