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  • Tracee Padilla

"The Day I Stopped Lying to Myself" by Tracee Padilla

Picture this. I'm standing in the dreaded dressing room. You know....the one that is surrounded with not one, not two, but three mirrors. Yes, three! And these mirrors seem to have formed a conspiracy to catch every angle of me that I'd rather keep hidden.

Trying to play it cool, but honestly, I felt the rising of anxiety and disappointment rise up within me. Age seemed to have conspired against me, and I promise everything I witnessed was going south faster than a flock of birds in winter.

As hard as I tried to find against it, negative thoughts flooded my mind, and I couldn't help but believe the worst about myself all based out of what I saw in the mirror looking back at me.

In that vulnerable moment, reaching for the next shirt, I was about to declare war on my muffin-top, a voice broke through the chaos - His voice.

"Tracee, every word you are speaking over your body is counteracting the Word of God and who I say you are."

With those simple yet profound words, a hush fell over my heart. I recognized the voice, and it was one I knew I could trust, God's voice.

Instantly, I felt a wave of conviction wash over me, making me aware of how my self-defeating words contradicted the truth of my Heavenly Father.

In that epiphany, I realized that I had been my own worst enemy all these years. I realized that my self-deprecating monologue was a one-sided debate against the Word of God. Instead of embracing the fact that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, I had embraced a negative interpretation, believe that I was "frightfully and hugely made."

Flashback to the year 1985, where I found myself at a waterpark with a friend surrounded by American girls (I was an MK living in Spain) with their slim legs and figures seemed to only highlight my perceived imperfections - my thicker and wider hips.

Somehow that defining moment stuck with me for years to come.

From the day at the waterpark to the dressing room epiphany, I realized that my journey towards loving myself the way God made me had to begin.

It wasn't an easy path, but with the conviction of God's truth, I started to challenge the negative narrative I had created about myself and what others had said through the years.

I flipped the script from "Thick and wide" to, "My thighs are strong enough to power a rocket!"

Instead of dwelling on what I wasn't, I began dwelling on the capabilities God gave me.

Instead of looking in the mirror seeing the affects that having children did to my body, I'm now expressing gratitude for the strength my body displayed in nurturing my children, evident in the marks of motherhood etched on my stomach.

Instead of being fearful of aging, I am seeing the wrinkles that grace the corners of my eyes now remind me of a life well-lived, full of joy, love, and precious moments.

In choosing to focus on what God's word says is true, I've made a conscious decision to celebrate living a life surrounded by God's truth.

I don't want to look back at my life and see more battles won by the enemy, but I want to see that I chose to live like Jesus which means to think like Jesus.

Let's lay down the burdensome lies that the enemy continually throws at us, and journey forward with hearts full of gratitude because everything God creates is a beautiful masterpiece.

"Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8 NLT

Tracee is a wife, mom to 3 adult children, and Grammee to 3 rambunctious grandkids. She jokes that her spiritual gift is the ‘gift of gab.’ She is known to make a mama or two literally pee their pants from her unique ability to tell heartfelt, hilarious stories that meet you right where you are at. Tracee has an online ministry and digital magazine, Unveiled Living, that focuses on empowering women to live life unveiled in the freedom that God gave us.

Facebook: @traceepadilla

Instagram: @unveiledliving

Youtube: @unveiledliving

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