This year, for the first time, I am both a bereaved daughter and a bereaved mother on Mother’s day. I still have two wonderful children and a son-in-law to celebrate. But this year will be different.
I've heard it said the firsts are always the hardest. First birthday, first anniversary, first Mothers Day. Perhaps for some, but each year still reminds me of the loss of my mom. I’m not sure if it gets easier - it’s been four years and I still miss her every day.
I have wonderful memories of her and I am thankful for that. My mom loved to sing and dance and be silly. She even tried a short stint as a clown! She wasn’t very good, but she had fun. She was also very kind, thoughtful, and understanding -someone easy to talk to. She loved her garden, her dog, her children, and grandchildren. She loved Jesus. And she loved life.
Dementia stole so much from her before her life was over, but some days the glimmer of her sense of humour would shine through the fog of confusion and I could see her beautiful personality and smile once again.
To all the bereaved daughters and sons….today honour your mom by remembering her and all that was special to you.
This will be my first year as a bereaved mother. This one will be hard. My son died almost one year ago and I think of him and miss him every day. The nights are the hardest. When I can’t sleep, the darkness of the night surrounds me, and I reminisce over the years he was with us. That is when I miss him most.
My son couldn’t speak and was dependent on us for all of his care. He had many medical issues and hospitalizations over the years. He struggled with pain and mobility which resulted sometimes in adverse behaviours. His constant care needs were a burden at times but I still miss him every day. Sometimes I called him “my big hairy toddler” or “the cheese monster” and he would give me a mischievous smile. He loved his family and friends, his sesame street toys, his music videos, and rides in the car. He loved to hug, hold hands, and laugh out loud. I miss him so much. I know he is in the arms of Jesus, dancing, laughing, and singing with my mom. Someday I will see them both again.
To all the bereaved mothers……today take time to remember your child and celebrate the love you shared.
But I have a hope. A hope in Jesus. One day I will sing, laugh, and dance again with both my mother and my son. And that hope brings me peace. That hope brings me joy. Even in my pain and sorrow I have peace and joy.
I'm not sure where you find yourself as Mother's Day approaches. But if your heart needs some comfort like mine does, let yourself rest in these beautiful words of Jesus “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
My wish for you today and every day ~ Peace to your heart and Joy to your soul ~ whether you are a bereaved child or a bereaved mother. Hope in the peace and joy that Jesus brings. And have a blessed Mother’s day.
